Monday, 16 July 2012
Dear 16 year old self. '
I bumped into a girl I used to be BFF’s with when I was 16. We haven’t spoken since then. Even though she was my “best friend” she was a bit of a twat. She made me feel like a crap person. Like I wasn’t cool or funny enough and I’d always try to impress her. There was once a picture of a mutual friend on her wall and I said “wow Hannah looked so good with long hair”. And she said “I know, thats why I convinced her to cut it off”. This just shows what sort of person she was. I just wish I knew that at the time. Seeing her made me think about being 16 and how much I’ve changed. And Then I thought if only I could have told that to myself then.
So I’ve written my 16 year old self a letter and if I ever learn to time travel (because it is just a skill you pick up along the way) I will give this to me.
Right now you’re not a very nice person. Your mother can’t stand you and your father is wondering where he went wrong. You’re selfish and naive and drink far too much (this won’t change). You think you’re the most god damn beautiful girl in the room and all boys want you.. need you... must have you. You think you’re self assured and confident. But you are actually confusing this with a deep uncertainty of who you are and where you are going. So you push yourself to be someone. Loud, abrupt, abrasive and as irritating as thrush. You do this so you are noticed. Love you or hate you, at least you are someone. This will pass.
When you are 25 you may not have a hundred friends like you did before. These will slowly be filtered out or better ones will be found. It will be about quality over quantity. And you won’t believe me now but you’re mum... Our mum... will be the best friend of all time (she's still nutty as fuck though).
You’re a nice person... at least I think you are. You have a good job and you are liked.
One thing you don’t know now is that it’s OK to be alone. You only feel lonely because you don’t have things in common with your friends. Once you move to London you will be with people like you. Who think like you and will be there for you. Having said that you will be alone a lot. But you will like it. Your own company will be your haven.
Now stop being a dickhead. Tell mum you love her. And stop wearing that horrible denim skirt. You look like a tart! Oh and that boy you think you hate in your English class. You actually love him. You will reunite in a few years and have an intense 3 year relationship. He’s not the one. Or at least I hope he’s not. You dump him because he’s a selfish fuck. But that’s another story. But for now and the next few years you love him. And he loves you.
Chin up kid
PCB (that's you that is) x
Here's a copy of 50 shade of Grey. It out sells Harry Potter and is known as mummy porn. Publish it and you'll be moneyed up to your eye balls.